Sneak Peek: My New Self-Guided Coaching Ebook for Highly Sensitive Leaders

Chapter 1: Understanding High Sensitivity

Introduction to high sensitivity and what it means to be a highly sensitive person

Growing up as a sensitive black girl was never something that was celebrated. If you’re a brown girl like me, then you too was raised to be strong and hardworking, and the occasional reminder to never let them see you cry. I was often ridiculed for crying in moments where I was in overstimulating situations or environments.

The lack of having a safe space to truly emote, resulted in me suppressing my real feelings and lying to keep the peace. Abiding to harsh emotional demands never felt good growing up. While I don’t recall the exact moment I became aware of my sensitive nature; I do remember when I decided I’d had enough and began my journey of embracing my emotional sensitivity, by creating a lifestyle around it.

Today, little black girls are still not allowed to be too sensitive. I cringe when I here parents demand that their children “stop crying,” “quit whining,” or “you are not a baby,” when these are natural ways of seeking care for children of all species. Children don’t know what to do with their big emotions. Crying is response that has lead to care since birth, why do they have to stop now?

Now, let me be clear and express – I am not saying the highly sensitive experience is all about crying. The message these pages are going to convey, is to be highly sensitive is a blessing, and for decades we have suppressed our truest emotions deep within our bodies that they’ve become identities, habits, behaviors and beliefs. My hope is that this guide becomes a resource that helps you peel back the layers and shed those deep emotions while living a blessed and fulfilling life.

My highly sensitive experience began at an early age; however, was often mistaken as preteen phases and hormonal changes. While that’s definitely a factor in the developmental process of aging, I’ve noticed that my current sensitivities didn’t start when I noticed them, I’d always been sensitive. I could always feel the energy in the room, especially when it changes. I’ve always been a sponge, even a mirror of other peoples emotions and personalities. I’ve always known what it feels like to be in the presence of the unseen and in between.

It was just a few years ago, after implementing therapy, and other self-awareness modalities as primary tools for navigating my journey. I learned that my sensitivity to environments, people, textures and sounds wasn’t a coincidence. With my evolved self-awareness, I am grateful for my heightened receptivity and love for my sensitive response to my world.

Let me be the first to tell you that your sensitive nature does not make you weak. It’s a blessing to be highly sensitive.

The key is to understand what it means to be a highly sensitive person and how to balance your sensitive nature. You are a highly sensitive person (HSP) if you have a heightened sensitivity to stimuli in your environment, such as noise, light, and emotions. As HSPs, we often experience intense feelings and may be deeply affected by the feelings of those around us. We tend to be more empathetic and intuitive, picking up on subtle cues that others may overlook. Our heightened sensitivity can be both a strength and a challenge, as it allows us to appreciate beauty and art deeply, but can also lead to feeling overwhelmed in stimulating or chaotic environments. Understanding and embracing our sensitivity can help us navigate the world in a way that honors our unique gifts and needs.

The HSP lifestyle should be a journey of mindfulness and intention. It is my hope that by reading this book, you’re able to implement the strategies to bring continuous harmony to your day to day life. Blogs and sites will tell you that being sensitive means you can’t work a full time job, you’re relationships will always fail, and that you’re doomed to a life of stagnancy and loneliness. I one hundred percent disagree. There’s a responsibility for this life, and while most people believe the idea that we chose our lives, it can be further agreed that the HSP lifestyle is one of shameless dedication to SELF.

It’s easy to remain in a powerless state and blame our nervous system and mindset for how our life unfolds each day. However, this way of thinking and being tends to lead to a life of chaos and destruction. I think back to my college years, when the bounds on my autonomy where completely lifted. I found myself weaving the toxic people pleasing tendencies learned in my childhood, into my friendships and habits, as a way to remain validated and supported. The feeling of being responsible for the emotions of someone else, creates a person who never wants to make a mistake to avoid relational tension.

Taking risk, oh no! I would never; until I was offered the opportunity to leave the nest and figure out who I chose to become in this life. The truth they don’t tell you about being a college student is that, you’re literally in a controlled social experiment. You don’t just show up to campus with your dorm decor and school books, you also bring along the version of you that survived a previous environment. I use the word survive in this context, because while there is thought that high sensitivity is a genetic trait, it is certain that early childhood environments play a considerable role.

That childhood experience becomes the inner child experience of an adult. Being highly sensitive in adulthood, emphasizes the internalized experiences, as they become the subconscious thoughts and habits, that rule how we perceive and show up in our world.

As an HR professional, I realize how many variants there are on the spectrum of high sensitivity and how that experience shows up in employee behavior and success. Psychology Today reports, between 15-20 percent of the population is highly sensitive. While that percentage may feel small, that’s from a population of nearly 8 billion people. That’s about 700 million sensitive souls across the globe.

700 million inner child experiences leading decisions, mindsets, relationships, organizations and businesses, families and households, cities and states. When you look at the technology industry, it’s evident that most CEO’s are in some way an HSP. Lets take the infamous Steve Jobs for example, the most introverted man developed and scaled one of the biggest brands and businesses in the tech market, and not just any one brand, he created the #1 brand, Apple, Inc.

While he shared his experiences as a sensitive person who just happened to be a business and tech genius, he expressed not having many friends, but he is now a household name even in death. So while building a billion dollar company may or may not be on your vision board, the only way to make it happen is by embracing your sensitivity and begin building your life in a way that prioritizes them.

Common characteristics of Highly Sensitive Individuals

While the sensitive experience varies from person to person, we also share several common characteristics that set us apart from others. As I mentioned before, we’re more aware of subtleties in our environment, such as noises, smells, or emotions, and can easily become triggered by sensory stimuli. We all have our own stories as to why we respond to our environments the way we do. Personally, loud or noisy rooms are too much for me.

It’s interesting working at a company that has over 7,000 employees and everything is open format. What makes this working experience different than previous is, I know how to support my sensitivities. I am not too ashamed to pop on my headphones and play my favorite songs to shift my environment.

When I get home from work, I usually feel like I’m buzzing and decompression looks like taking a warm bath or hot shower, essential oil diffusers, meditation, or yoga. It usually depends on what I need for that particular day.We also share the trait of having a deep capacity for empathy and often feel emotions intensely, both our own and the emotions of people around us. You know that feeling of wanting to cry because someone else is crying.

While all sensitives are not Empaths, most if not all Empaths are highly sensitive. Empathy and Intuition can be one of the biggest challenges of the highly sensitive experience. Absorbing the energy and emotions of the people around you can be dangerous. It’s key to have boundaries and regiments that support your sensitive nature allowing you to sift through and release the emotions that are not your own.

Studies discuss how the childhood environment creates the foundational pattern that influences majority of our decisions and how we cope with stress and stimuli. We are easily affected by external factors like violence or conflict, leading us to seek out peaceful and harmonious environments.

I personally enjoy decorating my home with the intention that it is my safe haven to release, create, decompress and just be in peace. It’s where I have 100% control to do and be what ever I want. When we cannot experience peace at home, we typically find it else where. It’s important to always take inventory of your surroundings and the people in them. This is how you can always prioritize your safety for all areas of life.

Additionally, we process information deeply and reflect on decisions before acting, preferring to approach situations with caution and thoughtfulness. While others may feel like we’re moving too slow, our grace in life is what helps us remain grounded and connected. When we’re not careful with our energy and careless with our boundaries, this is when we experiences symptoms like depression, illness, migraines, even evil-eye like jealousy and envy. Taking time to process, plan, prepare is the recipe for success as a highly sensitive person.